In God’s economy, he tells us to be the right person rather than look for the right person. When Mr. Right and Mrs. Right marry, they will have the right relationship. Don’t expect someone to come and fix you. Every good relationship is based on two virtues in the word of God:
- Fruit of the spirit. This has three segments:
(1) Our relationship with God which is premised on love, joy and peace. These are qualities only God has.
(2) Your relationship with other people. You need to learn patience and long suffering. You need to learn kindness and you need to be a good person in your relationship with people. Your words that you speak to people are a seed. It will take time to bear fruit.
(3) Your relationship with yourself; faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. How many times have you taken decisions that you regret? Have a gentle and a quiet spirit. Self-control is a key. Most of us do not create boundaries in our lives; we are boundless.
Love is the Supreme gift from God. Love gives and love forgives. Lust takes and lust is selfish. Three types of love:
- Eros – love that seeks to fulfill only its need
- Scratch my back, I scratch your back love – love of obligation, where we are fulfilling each other’s needs.
- Agape – love that seeks to fulfill the needs of others. The Godly kind of love. You do it without expecting anything back.
Matthew 22:37-39 ‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and soul and mind. You shall love your neighbor as you love yourself.’
You need to develop a vertical relationship with God before you can develop a meaningful relationship with people. God is no respecter of persons.
Anyone who creates a need in you will enslave you.
Songs of Solomon 8:7 ‘Many waters cannot quench love, nor can the floods drown it… ’ You cannot date based on reduced to clear (i.e., peer pressure, time is running out, you are trying to escape from an existing situation).
Don’t marry for lust (sex). You won’t be able to keep it going.
Don’t marry just to have children. Children are a gift from God.
Don’t marry just for the wedding or engagement event. Your dress, makeup, long nails will surely expire. Once you get home and take off the bridal outfit, you will see the real thing.
Dating and courting is not a non-variable commitment. You cannot force someone to stay with you. Satan will never tempt you with what you cannot get. He is simply shortening the time to mess you up. Don’t bring renovation and refurbishment to church. If an unbeliever tells you he loves you, be careful. He will do what it takes until he marries you, and then he will revert to his old ways. Love is not a season for hypocrisy. Be yourself. It won’t cost you anything.
Physics is good. However, no wise person should marry for beauty. Why would you marry a beautiful person with no character? The finest landscape seen daily becomes uninteresting. Let not your adornment be braided hair (1 Peter 3:3-4).
You must feel relaxed in the person’s company. Opinions should be able to differ. Agreement on every issue is fake. Anyone who does not like losing arguments will become a dictator.
There is always the urge to merge. Paul (1 Thessalonian. 4:3-8) tells us to abstain from sexual immorality. The body has 99 erotic zones. Avoid graduated body touches. Aspire to live a quiet life. Mind your own business.
Your body is a slave to your thoughts. It obeys your default disposition in life. What will rule your thoughts will rule your body. You are the gatekeeper of your thoughts. You are in control of your thoughts. There is no delete button from your mind, so it is important to expose yourself to good things and not bad. What dominates your thinking dominates your mind. Learn to be single and satisfied. Craft your relationship based on information that will help transform you.